In Self-Defense

If you're looking for trouble
You came to the right place
If you're looking for trouble
Just look right in my face

Elvis Presley

Every evening, it's the same old story on our local news station.

We are always hearing about people being abducted while getting into their car. Sadly, most are found later in a different location, some raped, most dead. The lucky ones are the ones that live through it.

We hear about people being robbed while retrieving money at an outside ATM machine.

We hear about someone being kidnapped, and later killed by an ex-spouse.

We hear about the young woman who awakes in the early morning hours to find someone standing over them, saying "don't scream or I'll kill you."

And remarkably, we all think that this only happens to other people.

According to the latest crime statistics at http://www.nationmaster.com/cat/cri-crime and http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/ucr.htm :

In 2008 there were 78,833 rapes reported in the nation.

75%-85% of rapes are committed without using a weapon.

68%-72% of attacks on women are committed by someone they know.

Over 50% of rapes or sexual assaults are not reported to police.

Of those rapes only 40.4% were cleared by arrest or exceptional means.

11.7% of clearance by arrest or exceptional means were under age of 18.

Unfortunately, I don't believe that there are any statistics pointing to all those who were victims, and who didn't think it could happen to them.

And, I don't think that for most, when doing a "things to do" list, taking a self-defense class is high on the list, if at all. And yet, it could be the most important thing that any of us do. Do you have it on your "to do" list? Excuse the pun ... but it couldn't hurt.

Join us on Thursday, February 18th at noon EST at www.blogtalkradio.com/threewisegirls, as we talk with Deva and Scott Hoffman, two leaders in self-defense training. Deva will be sharing her true-life experience with an attacker. Scott will share some of his experiences as a police officer for the last 22 years. The Hoffman's have vast experience in self-defense training and travel to group functions, as well as to large corporations, around the United States. Their website is http://www.nselfdefense.com/ in at 1-347-994-3835 and join in the conversation.

Teenage Gangs-The New Family Structure?

"Young men ... you have value.

You were not born to snatch the life

out of people you don't even know"

Rev. Ora Stearns-Smith

In July of 2007, Rev. Ora Stearns-Smith got the worst possible call a mother can received. Her son, Aric Jai-Shon Lexing, had become the victim of a teenage gang shooting, and had died from his injuries. Jai was not a gang member ... not then ...not ever. No, he was a young man who had said yes to someone he barely knew, who asked him for a ride home after a party. Apparently, the passenger was on a local gang's hit list. As Jai and his passenger pulled up and stopped the car, the shooting started and the gang got their target ... and took Jai's life as well. Ironically, Jai had just received his Masters in Criminal Justice just two months earlier in May, 2007, and was waiting to pursue a career in law enforcement. Sadly, the lives of everyone that Jai had touched would be changed forever.

Teenage gang-related statics are truly no more than best estimates. The obvious reasons are that it's not realistic to believe that people can go door-to-door and gather information any more than it is to think that there is an office where gangs and gang members go to register their activity.

According to one online statistical source and a 2009 estimate, there are approximately 24,500 gangs in the U.S, and one million gang members. It would be wonderful, since these are estimated numbers, if the statistics represented were overstated. My fear, however, is that they could actually be understated.

So, the obvious question is what should we, as a united front, do about this? We all do a lot of gasping, shaking our heads, and talking about it. But, what are we doing about it? And who is to blame for the increasing number of teenagers (and much younger) choosing gangs as their family. Is it the parents, the school system, movies, t.v, music, the lack of teenage role models (I mean the good kind), the law and lack of stricter penalties......or is it....etc...etc...and so on.

I don't pretend to have the answers. I am asking you. Who do you think is responsible for the increasing number of violent gangs in the U.S., and what do you think we should do about it?

I will take this a step further and ask you to join us next Thursday, January 28, 2010, at noon (12:00 pm EST) as we discuss this very topic in our segment of Teenage Gang Violence at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/threewisegirls. I encourage you to call in and talk with us at 1-347-994-3835. It's not an interview, it's a conversation, and I would like for you to be a part of it.

Just talking about the problem falls short of actually eliminating the problem. That will take action on everyone's part. But talking about it is a good beginning.

"I got a black magic woman
Got me so blind I can't see
That she's a black magic woman
She's tryin' to make a devil out of me"
Santana

I am delighted to say that 2010 has started out with a real "Bing Bang Boom" on our Three Wise Girls Show. Our show with Christophe Van Der Hogan-Landry took us into the very core of a social and political movement that is sweeping the country, led by this dynamic young man. Our second segment of the year, In Dreams, allowed us to talk about dream experiences with others who have had similar experiences, without the risk of being scoffed at.

And, there is no doubt our third show is going to be no less controversial, or sizzle with less "Bing Bang Boom".

There is a new feline species evolving, and it is preying on our innocent young men.

Now that I've got your attention, I'm talking about Cougars. No, not that kind. I'm talking about the 40+ year-old gorgeous single women out there that are ready for some good times with younger men, and don't feel like they have to apologize to anyone for it. Oh, and the "innocent young men" part, you didn't think I was serious, did you?

The word Cougar, as defined in this blog, conjures up visions of women running in packs, and hitting the bars in search of younger men with which to quench their thirsts. (In more ways than one.) Ah...but what about the ones in the office, the boardroom, your neighbor, or maybe even ... your friend? Cougars are global, and not confined to a specific region or country.

The truth is that there have always been older women who have had secret trysts with younger men. The thing is ... it wasn't as trendy as it is now. We have film stars, movies, and T.V. to thank for bringing this new form of entertainment to the forefront and making it downright trendy.

But back to real life, what about the young women out there? Are they growing resentful that these older and bolder women are splashing into their pool of "love princes"? Are the kids of these self-professed Cougars reading up on the emancipation laws of their states in hopes of changing their names and moving to another state where no one knows who their mother is? Is there a stone-faced mother out there this very moment opening the front door to find Junior standing there with a silly smile on his face, and his arm wrapped around the waist of a woman who just happened to graduate in the same senior class with her?

Who knows? But, I bet there is a 40+ beauty sitting in a bar, a restaurant, or maybe a private club, who doesn't care what the world thinks ...as she sits there smiling alluringly into the eyes of her adoring young suitor, while she leans over and whispers ..."the next round is on me. "

Update on Big Dog

"You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come runnin' to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend"

James Taylor

A Very Special Update!

(see previous post on Big Dog)

I called the animal shelter providing care for Big Dog. I wanted to how he was doing, and if I could finally drop by to see him. I was put on hold for a few minutes and I was getting my jacket on, looking for my keys, etc., when the very nice lady came back to the phone. She let me know that Big Dog was no longer there.

I'm happy to report that Big Dog's owner did come to the shelter and I'm sure it was a happy reunion. I only hope that Big Dog left with a microchip and that the owner left with relief and love in his/her heart for Big Dog.

I am personally so thankful for the help from my neighbors, and everyone who helped in getting the word out about Big Dog. I've had many conversations with people that I've never met before, and that I now consider friends, bonded by a common love and respect for dogs ( and all animals).

Strange as it may seem, I am going to miss Big Dog. I never knew his real name, or anything about his life, or his owners. But, he will always be "Big Dog" to me. And I'm so glad that Big Dog choose to spend Christmas with me.

You've Got a Friend

"You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come runnin' to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend"

James Taylor

Our Christmas morning started out just like millions of others who celebrate Christmas Day. We knew that the moment we awoke, a fun-filled day of surprises had already been promised. But we never expected to open our front door and find a German Shepherd dog (the size of a small pony) staring back at us. When we heard his very low, very deep ... and loud bark, I thought I'd have to pull Paul out from the ceiling. Of course I'm sure it was just Big Dog's (as I affectionately, but accurately call him) way of wishing us a Merry Christmas and trying to let us know he was lost and needed help.

After several hours of watching Big Dog circle our home, investigate our deck, look inquisitively through our glass solarium door, and stretch out beside our front door, it was obvious that Big Dog had taken up residence. And it was obvious that he was lost and needed help. After feeding him a huge Christmas dinner (ok, I shared Jake the "regal beagle's" dry food with him, but he did get Honey Baked Ham), making sure he had water, I called my neighbors.

We finally gained his trust, and he allowed us to pet him and to be led to his temporary home, which was my neighbor's garage. Now, Big Dog would be out of the cold and wet winter weather; have food, water, and a loving touch. We all fell in love with Big Dog, and knew that our next task was finding Big Dog's owner. My neighbors went online looking for German Shepherd rescue shelters. I took pictures of Big Dog and made up flyers and distributed them in stores and on telephone polls in our area. I knocked on people's doors, put an ad in the local paper, called a local radio station who was kind enough to make several announcements for me, and went to some of the lost and found websites and posted as well. It's six days later and no one has claimed Big Dog.

And, my neighbor called me to let me know that they took him to the animal shelter to see if he had a microchip, but that there was none. And ... that they had surrounded him to the shelter. At first I was broken hearted. I spent a good part of the evening crying for Big Dog. I felt that he had found his way to my door for a reason. That he was sent to my door because it was somehow predetermined that I would help him. And ... I felt that I had let him down.

Things did get better! The more I learn about this particular shelter, the better I feel about the love and care they give not only Big Dog, but all their dogs. And, I have gotten a call from someone who listened to the radio show and would love to have Big Dog. I also know that he will get his microchip, and he is getting a thorough check-up. So, maybe this is the journey both Big Dog and I have to take to ensure him a loving home. I'm feeling better now, and I vow that I will do everything I can to make sure that he is not euthanized and does make it to the home this sweet and beautiful creature deserves.

Big Dog and all dogs (and yes all animals, but I'm talking dogs right now) are beautiful creatures and have proven time and time again that they truly are man's best friend. Unfortunately, we as individuals and owners have not always proven to be their best friend. I'm guessing that Big Dog is approximately 5yrs-6yrs old. He was never neutered, he had no microchip, and there wasn't any evidence that he had been wearing a collar. With all this in mind, I have to question whether or not he was getting any type of preventative care for heartworms, or fleas and ticks. More than likely, he hasn't had his rabies shot, either (purely speculation on my part).

With ownership, comes responsibility to our pets (I prefer calling them family members). Dogs are not toys. They are not to be discarded because of behavioral problems. (If we did that with my immediate family .... we wouldn't have any family left). If you don't have the money to take care of a dog, then don't get one. If you do bring a dog in as a new family member. Be a best friend to that dog. Make a life-long commitment to that dog. Make sure he gets the preventative care he needs to ensure a long life. Make sure he gets a microchip implanted because things do happen and all he/she really wants is to get back home. Make sure he has a collar with contact information and all his tags ensuring he/she has had rabies shots. I really wish Big Dog had a microchip. He would be at home right now instead of at the shelter.

It's really so simple. Dogs truly are man's best friend. They deserve to have best friends, as well.

I'll keep you posted on Big Dog. This isn't the end of the story, it's the beginning.

In Dreams...

"A candy-colored clown they call the sandman
Tiptoes to my room every night
Just to sprinkle stardust and to whisper -
Go to sleep. Everything is all right."
Roy Orbison "In Dreams"

I guess most people dream at night (or day, depending on when they sleep, i.e. vampires), at least every so often. I feel sorry for those that never dream, as dreams can be quite entertaining, as well as enlightening. I'm not a dream expert, specialist, or doctor (is there such a thing?), but I can tell you how often I dream (often), that I dream in color (technicolor), and that I dream in "symbolism". I also dream about events that have actually occurred. Not so often, only a handful of times in my life.

I will always remember the first time this happened, of course. Actually, I should say the first time I knew it happened. This dream involved an event that happened to my brother's best friend (loved as a part of our family), living in Georgia. My brother and I were both living in Florida at the time. When I told my brother about the dream, he looked at me strangely (not necessarily an uncommon look from him), and called our friend immediately from my apartment. Long story short, I had dreamt about an event that had actually taken place a couple of days earlier. The time of day, location, etc. was right on the money. As this was something that was not meant to be of common knowledge, they knew that I really had no way of knowing this. This was in the 70's and it would be a long while before I had another dream like this. At least, of that I'm aware.

There have been a few more, but the other one that I will most likely not forget was the one in which John died.

I dreamt that I was walking down the isle leading to my office at work early one morning, when I noticed people had gathered around outside John's office. As I approached, I asked someone what had happened. Someone replied, "John died." I don't remember much of the dream other than that. I went to work that morning (awake this time), and the day was really no different than any other day. In conversation with a co-worker, I mentioned the dream I had about John. I also told him that I dreamed in "symbolisms" and that the dream might not have anything to do with this particular person, and jokingly suggested that he be careful going out to lunch. Much to my relief, the day passed with no one, especially not John, dying.

The next morning, I came in earlier than usual to work. The secretary came into my office, knelt down and whispered, "did you hear what happened to John?" When I answered that I had not, she said, "He committed suicide last night!" I just sat and stared at her. As much as I was naturally shocked, of course, she had no idea about the dream I had the night before. As I said earlier, I dream in "symbolisms". The John who had died was not the one across from me, but the one downstairs, with which I had recently worked on some reports. I heard Butch when he came into his office. I went over to him and could tell he had already heard the news. I started to speak and he said, "I don't even want to talk about it." "You scare me ...", meaning the conversation we'd had earlier.

Now, I am sharing this with you, not because I think "I'm special" (I do think my husband and Jake the beagle think this however), or because I want to change or challenge your skeptical minds. I just believe that this happens more often than people think. I think there are people that realize they have just dreamt about a very real event they had no earlier knowledge of, but choose not to comment, simply because they are afraid of being scoffed and laughed at. And of course there is the "it's just a coincidence" response as well.

I am actually rather cynical about people's intentions (comes with age I guess) and truly don't believe in all of the self-professed psychics, mediums, and intuitives. However, I know that it happens with me and therefore, I have to believe it happens with others as well.

If you have a story about a dream or recurrent dream that proves itself to be an actual event, be bold, be real, and share it with us. Maybe you know someone who has experienced this. Maybe you believe that this really happens, or maybe you think it's a "crock". That's fine if you think it's a crock. I doubt if you would find yourself on my Christmas card list, anyway.

My First Love-What Was I Thinking?

It's probably safe to say that we all remember our "first love". That first little fluttering of the heart, that first glorious kiss ... that first ... well ...whatever. However, how we all define that first love, oh so many years ago, is quite another story. I guess most define it as innocent and wonderful, others as unrequited love, others as simply the one that got away. And then some-and this is the category that I fall into-will define it as simply ... "What the heck was I thinking?!" Of course we all know that our brains are not fully developed during our teen years, so this is my defense.

I met my "first love" when I was 14. His family and my family became close and our friendship developed into something more, much to the horror of our parents. (Let's just leave it at that). He was 3 years older than I and really should have been dating girls more his age. That was probably the charm of the relationship. It was driving our parents crazy. Long story short, he broke my heart (at least I thought so at the time) by marrying someone else. I heard that the first 2 years were very rough on his wife. He started drinking and doing pills (not sure what kind), running around, and abused her physically. We ran into each other at a party one night (he was still married) and he pulled me aside to let me know how much he "missed me" and how sorry he was that we had "drifted apart." I simply told him not to be sorry, and let him know that he had actually done me a tremendous favor. I wonder how long he stared at me as I walked away. I think, often times, "first loves" can become "What the heck was I thinking?!"

How do you define your "first love" experience? Bet it's a good story, so why not share it with us? Besides, seeing it in print simply validates it happened in the first place.